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Are You Humble Enough to Be Care-Free?

Liberating Promises

I haven't posted in a long time and wanted to leave a link here to one of John Piper's messages on Promises that are found in the Bible. I read the Bible for two hours each day and lately have been obsessed with God's promises. They solidify my faith, fill me with identity, and these promises are what I use to wage war. So have a good week. I will try to post again soon.

Liberating Promises

G. K. Chesterton:

When we are very young children we don't need fairy tales: we only need tales. Mere life is interesting enough. A child of seven is excited by being told that Tommy opened a door and saw a dragon. But a child of three is exicted by being told that Tommy opened a door. Boys like romantic tales; but babies like realistic tales — because they find them romantic. . . . This proves that even nursery tales only echo an almost pre-natal leap of interest and amazement. These tales say that apples are golden only to refresh the forgotten moment when we found that they were green. They make rivers run with wine only to make us remember, for one wild moment, that they run with water.

The Process

Transitioning from Thailand: What did I learn about God?

I don't know where to start. There were so many different angles of my heart that had been changed by this trip. Writing about what I've learned (I believe) will help these things settle in my heart. So I'm going to post these experiences in different posts for the next few weeks.  I'll just start with my first experience (according to my journal).

Upon arriving to Thailand I had so many different questions. I had personal and even corporate questions. Before leavign Kansas City I wanted to know so much. It got to the point to where all I could pray was, "What do you think about me God?", after praying this in the Global Prayer Room the Lord gave me a vision of his heart for me.

We were driving in a car and He was behind the wheel. I couldn't see him but I knew he was there. And in the passenger seet was a little cardboard box that was painted yellow with red hearts on it. I remember that clearly because I made that when I was in elementary school! the Lord was showing me my small creation! something I had made while my motor skills were still developing!

He was showing me that he cares about every movement of my heart and he is so intimately connected to my life, even more than I can even imagine. He wanted me to see that he was the one driving, and has always been the one directing my life (in other words: Be still and know that I am God). And he honours me, he loves what I do, he loves how I create and how I look up to him and simply gaze at my dad in heaven. I believe that in this vision, this short vision,  all my questions were answered. I do care about what I do. My creativity is probably one of the most important things about me, or at least that's one part of me that when it's wounded becomes the biggest pain ever.

Just the fact that he was driving and I was sitting safely gave me so much comfort. I felt like we could be in a ten hour car ride and I was safe to say anything I wanted and enjoy spending quiet moments as well. After this I all of a sudden began asking my Father all kinds of questions. I wanted to know what he thought about that painted card board box! I wanted to know what he thought about a lot of things. I could see clearly that he is a father. All of a sudden it was natural. There were no more doubts. He is my dad.

What did you learn about you?

Well, that is a very good question. I somehow always have to settle down and get in touch with what is exactly happening with me sometimes. I literally have to stop what I'm doing, take my journal and a tea (music helps too) and sit in a quiet place.

 For the past three years my life has been so busy and full of different engagements. In Thailand, and for the first time in a long time I felt a grace to journal, to pray, to still my heart and all the traffic that comes with it. In Thailand, I experienced a season of knowing myself better. I realized that my charachter and personality can be used to tune into God more easily.

 What I learned about Alanna is that she is a well spring that needs to be taken care of and needs to be given time to reflect on her seasons and her life. I realized that I can starve my own heart by the words I say and the things that I think about. It was an amazing time of falling in love with the man Jesus. I wanted to know his personality and the big question for these three months was: "What do you think about me Jesus?" To hear his thoughts about me cleared away self-doubts, and even the desire to please others.

I'm blessed with the best communicator who ever lived. The Holy Spirit who tells me about Jesus, and is willing to tell me all kinds of things.

What did you learn about cross-cultural missions?

I found that roses and thorns come with cross-cultural missions. This photo was taken on Ptarmigan Hill outside of my village of Minto. it shows some of the flats that surround our small town. I grew up in a very cold place, Alaska. And after spending those three months overseas I began to feel so blessed by where I grew up. Before leaving to Kansas City I told the Lord how much I didn't like to travel. I don't like airports. I don't like hot climates.

 It's like food. I have a different taste pallette than most of the world's population. We up here in Alaska are a tiny percentage. So being in Thailand was challenging mainly due to the heat. It was so humid as well. I realized that cross-cultural missions for me is always going to come with a thorn from now on. But I decided early that this will never stop me from cross-cultural missions.

After settling into the city of Chiang Mai, I realized that I looked very Thai! I found out right away that the Thai are very social people. And if they think your Thai, it's not hard for THEM to start conversations. But once I looked at them and simply said, "No Thai." They would look so stunned that I wasn't! I had a lot of people unknowingly try to speak to me in Thai. As an evangelist, this is the greatest treasure. To have others speak to you is like having an open door! I don't know if this is only for Thailand, but I do think how I look will prove useful no matter where I go.

 I also realized that cross-cultural missions gets you directly in touch with who you really are. There's no way around it. There's a language barrier,  major cultural differences, and even food and climate differences can help all sorts of weaker things boil up. Cross-cultural missions are no joke, and Jesus himself calls us to them. It wasn't fun at times, it's hard when you don't know the language, and it taught me to totally depend on God every single day.

In Thailand,  everywhere I looked I began to realize more and more that all of creations points to God. I never sat under a waterfall before in my life. In Thailand I did. There are different conversations that I will never forget and people who will always be in my heart. I feel like my heart enlarged and my eyes became wide open. I left with a nation seriously knitted to my little heart.

2012, you are intense

New Year's Eve 2011:

 This year was off to an adventurous start on the Alaska Highway. We were driving in my dad's truck, his new GMC, and left Anchorage a little bit later than we expected. My mom, her friend Dorcas Bloom, my older brother Timothy and younger brother Nelson were all prepared to make it home to ring in the new year. The drive was very long, and the weather is always warm around the Matsu area leaving Anchorage.



That was until we drove into Healy. The temperatures read -40 outside. Our truck seemed to react by shaking, our peaceful roadtrip all of a sudden became pretty intense. So me, Dorcas, and my mom began praying. We prayed into the small city of Nenana, if you watch the movie Balto you'll hear it mentioned a couple times. Might be in a Jack London book, it's a pretty famous Alaskan town. So, my brother Tim pulls the truck into a Chevron gas station and we look inside and it was closed.

 We pull out of there and made our way to the community hall (still praying). It was getting a little cold in the truck by this time, the heater was beginning to blow cold air. The building just became empty, we caught the tail end of the New Years celebration. My mom spoke to a middle-aged man and was just beginning to tell him our car trouble, when she realized he kind of looked like her brother-in law Howard (who is a mechanic). This man didn't know anything about cars, he kept repeating this too. So she thought, "I need to call Howard." the young man left so my younger brother Nelson called his friend from Nenana and they decided that we go to the O'Brien's house (yup, we Alaskans stick together).

 In that same moment my mom was on her phone with uncle Howard and he told us that we need to put Heet into the fuel line right now or else the entire engine will cease (because our fuel was literally freezing). So both of them get off of their cell phones and give us the next step which was, "Were going to the O'Brien's" and, "We need to get Heet, now." so we all get back into the truck (which was super cold by then) and park outside the O'Brien's. I don't know how to describe the warm fireplace we met inside their house. Now I grew up with a fireplace and I've got a lot of great, warm memories. But this fireplace is now in my top 5 fireplace moments ever. When its 40 below outside, these things take on a whole different feel and meaning. It was so comforting, I believe even to my bones! Matt O'Brien sat with us in his living room at about 1 am telling us awesome stories about the power of prayer and how God protected his meat from animals when he would go hunting. It was a short visit and he did have an extra bottle of Heet, a real answer to our prayers.

 

 We sat there for about an hour and it was just an awesome time. The Lord really orchestrated it all. We got in the truck in freezing temperatures and settled in for the 45 minute drive to Fairbanks. We all were quiet when the heater began blowing hot air and the truck ran as normal. We went for 15 minutes and then began to praise God for his guidance! And for answering our prayers! Such an exciting New Year!

A FEW LESSONS I'LL CARRY INTO 2012:

• As this year unfolds, keep learning through your circumstances.
• Have humility! Help could come from anybody, anywhere!
• Make detailed observations.
• Don't harden your heart, keep a heart of flesh in prayer!

Blaine Hogan on Untitled: Thoughts on the Creative Process from Clarkvideos on Vimeo.

Notes from class.

WHY HEAVEN IS THE STARTING POINT FOR UNDERSTANDING NIGHT & DAY DEVOTION

A. The Center of All Things

1. God's Existence

• In the revelation of Scripture God Himself is the ultimate center of all things. He dwells in the glorious solitude of self-existence and compared to His absolute necessity all things are feeble and frail-a vapor that appears and vanishes; grass that withers away in a moment.
• From the smallest insect to the most brilliant man, all are on a level plane in that they hang dangling over the abyss of non-existence, upheld only by His sovereign word. This in and of itself requires a profound shift in our thinkng because we tend to view the world, our lives, and everything in between myopically and egocentrically.
• In truth His identity is the unshakable rock of certitude with which all must reckon and find their orientation. This radical, all-encompassing centrality in all things means that only by throwing ourselves into Him and moving outward can we discern the truth about anything.

2. Contingency & Reality

• The consequence of this truth is that the further a creature drifts from the will of God, the less real they become. "Real" here doesn't denot any metaphysical qualities but simply that the greater the discord from God's commandment and design, the less relevant they are in the ultimate sense.
• This is due to the fact that only God has meaning in and of Himself because His existence alone is essential. Consequently any significance creation possesses is a bestowed or derivative signigicance and not inherent to them.
• In other words, the importance of someone or something hinges solely upon its relation to the Creator of All.
• This requires quite a shift in our thinking because we typically do not view the world from this perspective. Though the political, economic, and military leaders of the earth appear to be so influential, in God's eyes they are but a vapor that appears for a moment and then vanish.

With whom did He take counsel, and who instructed Him, and taught Him in the path of justice? Who taught Him knowledge, and showed Him the way of understanding? Behold, the nations are as a drop in a bucket, and are counted as the small dust on the scales; Look, He lifts up the isles as a very little thing...It is He who sits above the circle of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers, Who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, and spreads them out like a tent to dwell in. He brings the princes to nothing; He makes the judges of the earth useless. Scarcely shall they be planted, Scarcely shall they be sown, Scarcely shall their stock take root in the earth, when He will also blow on them, and they will wither, and the whirlwind will take them away like stubble. "To whom then will you liken Me, or to whom shall I be equal?" says the Holy One. - Isaiah 40:14-15,22-25

Partner with Him!

Thousands of years ago, the prophet Isaiah saw a vision of a worldwide worship movement in the last days whose extent reached into the remotest and most difficult-to-reach places (Isaiah 42:10-13). He saw the islands of the earth lifting up their voice in song to the Lord. He saw the coastal regions declaring the name and glory of God to the nations. He witnessed the dry desert places and nomadic peoples exulting in their Lord. He caught a glimpse of the Arabian peninsula singing a new song to Jesus. Even the tops of the mountains (think: Nepal and Tibet) would shout to God and declare His praise throughout the earth.

But how will this happen? How will Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, and pagan peoples turn to the one true and living God and lift their voices in worship to our Lord Jesus Christ?

We believe that the day of western missionaries is not over with. Over 100 years ago, God raised up the Student Volunteer Movement out of the West where 20,000 young adults abandoned their pursuit of the so-called “American Dream” and were ignited to proclaim the Gospel in foreign lands and give themselves to “the evangelization of the world in this generation.” Today, God is again raising up the best and the brightest in this generation to reach the hardest and darkest places so that the Lamb who was slain may receive the reward of His suffering.

To that end, the Antioch Center for Training and Sending (ACTS) is a training program designed to equip a new generation of cross-cultural intercessory missionaries to plant worship-based prayer furnaces in the hardest and darkest places of the earth. ACTS is a convergence of prayer and missions equipping a new generation to finish the task of world evangelization, disciple the nations, and pray back the King.

A lot of you know me, and you know I have always been a person of faith. I have wanted so much to move God's heart, even at a young age. This is why I sing. This is why I try. I look back and I can clearly see that little girl from a small village in Alaska crying out to worship her Jesus. I truly believed that He was MY Jesus. I still believe it. I thank Jesus for putting this desire in my heart. I know this was all for his glory, he was preparing me for the work that was set before me. I have joy in knowing that He is calling me to the nations. He is putting me in a place where I am learning to seek him out for every need. During this season of my life at ACTS he is providing. And I trust Him for all of my needs. But now I know that he is grooming me to walk in the ways of his kingdom. And in this kingdom we are interdependent.

I am raising 2,500.00 for my plain ticket and vaccinations for my mission trip to Thailand. I need these funds by tomorrow. I know this is so last minute. And they are willing to work with me until the end of the month.

I desire to worship God where he is recieving none. I know he is worthy of it.

I am going to Thailand to build a house of prayer, do door to door evangelism, and to see that He recieves the Glory due his name.

I want to invite you to be a part of it. I want to invite you to see souls brought into the kingdom and minds renewed and revelation spread to hill tribes in Thailand. I want to thank you all for your love. I want to thank you for your support in the past. I only ask that you do what you feel lead to do, even if that's $10 or $100.

Thank you.

August in Kansas City

It is already the middle of August everyone! that means I've been in Kansas City for one month. This has been a very busy program, we have classes every day and our day usually ends at about 9 PM (See My Valuable Time post). The Lord has been really moving upon my heart, even in my weakness I believe he is there. He has been speaking to me about myself. A lot of times people talk about "self-discovery" and they take extended trips to buddhist temples, to masques in muslim countries, or they simply take drugs. I was speaking to the Lord and told him that I don't want to walk a path of self discovery. I just want to walk on the path of truth. Alanna doesn't belong to herself. The life she livesshe now lives in Jesus Christ. I pray that I would awaken to that truth more and more. It's never by might nor by power. I can't be interesting enough, I could never have enough influence or strength to change myself, and I can't change any region, person, country with these either. All things are His and everything is in existence for His pleasure. He is the only one who can do any kind of change. But to him it's not really change at all. It's restoration. He gets to restore the broken things and all the stuff that looks lost. He gives beauty for ashes. And I get to partner with Him. I get to be his friend and watch Him do justice, watch him display his beauty. It's awesome.

And I finally have photos to share!
These were taken by a guy in my group named Peter Telian :) I love his camera!

This is some of the students from ACTS, were having an awesome time in worship in this photo.

Me and my Korean friend Victoria having a devotional afternoon. She can really pray!

Kansas City lightning, it lights up the sky. And it is SO LOUD! One evening all the girls woke up because of the loud sounds.

Helping my friend Kate from New Zealand order a smoothie, she seems to be having a hard time deciding.

My valuable TIME!

ACTS Schedule

Week 5: Theology of Night and Day Worship

7AM- Breakfast

7:30AM- Morning Devotionals
8:00AM- Prayer Room
9:00AM- Prayer Room
10:00AM- Prayer Room
11:00AM- Prayer Room
Noon- Lunch
1:00PM- Core Class with Stephan Venable for this week
2:00PM- in core class
3:00PM- in core class
4:00PM- Small Groups
5:00PM- Dinner
6:00PM- 9:00 PM: Homework, Study Groups, Drive Home.
10:00- Curfew
11:00- Lights Out

This is a typical Monday Schedule....it's not as packed as the rest of the week. On Tuesdays we have Harp + Bowl Clinic in that 6PM-9PM block, we also use that time on Wednesdays to have e-12 groups (where we study eschatology together), and Thursdays we have Support Raising Training.

All to His Glory!

"I ask no more, in good or ill, but union with Thy perfect will."- Madame Jeanne Guyon (1648-1717)

I'm sitting here reading an incredible story about the human heart. I would love to have a bigger capacity for loving God. Just being in his presence so much here has caused me to cry out, GOD LET ME LOVE YOU MORE! I don't know what that looks like! Let me love you more!

Guyon was a french woman who lived a full life in God. When she was only 15 she married a man 20 years older than her (I guess that was acceptable back then). Her mother-in-law was abusive to her as she grew in the Lord...she didn't really care, she saw her afflictions as God making her inwardly holy and full of life. After her husband died she grew more and more into the inner life. She increasingly believed that the Christian life consisted not of rules, regulations, and rituals, but of the life of Christ in the soul of a human being.

When she was 34 she began her ministry, traveling throughout France and Switzerland teaching wherever God would lead her. During this time she also wrote to many people, counseling them and leading them gently in the way of the inner life. As Guyon's teachings became more popular and widespread, church leaders began to charge her with heresy because some of her teachings were different than church doctrine.The Roman church taught that any relationship with God and Christ had to be through the rituals and sacraments of the church, but she taught that each person could directly communicate with God in her inner being, and that was best done by laying aside the rituals and religious activities of the church and living the contemplative life.

In the end, the church found her and put her in prison where she spent up to 14 years in prison and even survived the Bastille (which was primarily used to house political prisoners).

Her testimony is just amazing. It was said that she was persecuted by her church "because she loved Jesus too much."

What a way to live your life! She truly decreased more and more in a time when she could have increased. Because of her beauty she was married to a rich man. But that wasn't enough for her. She had a cry in her heart that could not be satisfied by this world. I want a faith like this. Willing to lay aside the "perfect" future for the sake of "loving Jesus too much", I feel like Jesus already put this in me, a beautiful desire to fully know him, he placed a map in my heart that points exactly to his heart. I'm excited to see what God will do in this season of my life. I'm excited to know there's women out there like Guyon, I hope I become more and more like her.

The Bridegroom left to prepare a place for US!

I am here in Kansas City, it has almost been one week and the weather has been very hot. And it's very humid as well. The Lord is good though, every building I have been in has air conditioning...so I am doing very well transitioning from Alaska. This time has been so lifechanging, these past few days have brought so much good news into my life and I've also came to learn more about Jesus' heart which is just amazing. At the beginning of the week I felt like just another girl who happened to show up here. But God has been speaking to me through all of these messages, this is no accident and His desires are for me to recieve more during this season. I have been asking God for his heart for the nations. I want to be filled with compassion even more for those in the unreached parts of the world. There is just so much to learn and so much to do. It's a bit overwhelming, but I feel God in my small moments of prayer and when I am speaking with him alone. He has had desires for my life that I am just learning about while I am here. He has a plans that go far beyond my small vision and plans. There is no doubt that this is where I am supposed to be at this time.


The first few days were a time of consecration. These days were so precious to me. I know that I can't rely on my feelings and sometimes I want to, but when I pray I feel so close to Jesus' heart, it's been so easy to speak with him. We have a very busy schedule and a whole lot to think about at the end of each day, I try to pray alone every day, just to get some time with Jesus during those times. And its been good. I just pray that all that I am learning will really drop into my spirit and set me aflame for the nations. I do have a desire to go to the nations, I just want my zeal to be stirred up because I know that Jesus is carrying a great zeal for the nations. The world is ready and I want to be too.


Leaving home for the first time has been pretty difficult. I haven't gotten homesick yet, but just not being in Alaska trips me out sometimes. I feel like I have gotten grace to get through this first week here in Kansas City, especially with the hot climate. My room mates are pretty awesome too. I have two roommates from Michigan and China. These two amazing women have really been given to me by God for this time. They are so encouraging and I am fascinated by their lifestyles and their desires to pursue God is evident in all that they do. It's been so encouraging. And a good boost.


All in all...we are preparing for something new. All 30 of us.


The Antioch Center for Training and Sending is going to change my life.


I can feel it.

Call him Dexter.

Sitting in the living room in the middle of this week. My mom just decided to name her puppy Dexter. He's a cute little thing, I think about 3 months old. I'm sitting here kind of going back in my mind what it is I must have accomplished these past two weeks. Without a job right now I have so much more time to pray and think. I remember when I was without a job in '09, I felt terrible not working but at the same time I always found something to do. Then it went the other way in 2010, I had a full time job that took up almost my whole day which left me struggling to pray or even think about the things that matter. The Bible says not to get weighed down by this world, to stay in the spirit as a child of God. I want to get to a place where I can balance out my time, have a special place to meet with Jesus (I do now, on my walks. I think I need an actual prayer closet or a prayer room though), or just have a set of brand new spiritual ears that constantly hear what the Spirit is saying. Because, that would be fun. And definately worth my time. And I would probably have so much more accomplished in life than just working, eating, studying, trying, and even worrying. God has something greater than those things. Like in Luke 10:

38 Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” 41 And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. 42 But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”


What a way to put it!


Life can be so troubling, and Jesus says it doesn't have to be. I want to choose that good part every day. Mary makes it look simple. And it must be. Just sit with Jesus. Listen and hear His words. But I think it would be cool to actually see him and see him express himself now that would be cool. To go back in time. I have thought about that a lot...anyway. I'm getting off track.

So my priority is to choose the good part every day. With or without a job. And to stop worrying and troubling myself.