The Process

Transitioning from Thailand: What did I learn about God?

I don't know where to start. There were so many different angles of my heart that had been changed by this trip. Writing about what I've learned (I believe) will help these things settle in my heart. So I'm going to post these experiences in different posts for the next few weeks.  I'll just start with my first experience (according to my journal).

Upon arriving to Thailand I had so many different questions. I had personal and even corporate questions. Before leavign Kansas City I wanted to know so much. It got to the point to where all I could pray was, "What do you think about me God?", after praying this in the Global Prayer Room the Lord gave me a vision of his heart for me.

We were driving in a car and He was behind the wheel. I couldn't see him but I knew he was there. And in the passenger seet was a little cardboard box that was painted yellow with red hearts on it. I remember that clearly because I made that when I was in elementary school! the Lord was showing me my small creation! something I had made while my motor skills were still developing!

He was showing me that he cares about every movement of my heart and he is so intimately connected to my life, even more than I can even imagine. He wanted me to see that he was the one driving, and has always been the one directing my life (in other words: Be still and know that I am God). And he honours me, he loves what I do, he loves how I create and how I look up to him and simply gaze at my dad in heaven. I believe that in this vision, this short vision,  all my questions were answered. I do care about what I do. My creativity is probably one of the most important things about me, or at least that's one part of me that when it's wounded becomes the biggest pain ever.

Just the fact that he was driving and I was sitting safely gave me so much comfort. I felt like we could be in a ten hour car ride and I was safe to say anything I wanted and enjoy spending quiet moments as well. After this I all of a sudden began asking my Father all kinds of questions. I wanted to know what he thought about that painted card board box! I wanted to know what he thought about a lot of things. I could see clearly that he is a father. All of a sudden it was natural. There were no more doubts. He is my dad.

What did you learn about you?

Well, that is a very good question. I somehow always have to settle down and get in touch with what is exactly happening with me sometimes. I literally have to stop what I'm doing, take my journal and a tea (music helps too) and sit in a quiet place.

 For the past three years my life has been so busy and full of different engagements. In Thailand, and for the first time in a long time I felt a grace to journal, to pray, to still my heart and all the traffic that comes with it. In Thailand, I experienced a season of knowing myself better. I realized that my charachter and personality can be used to tune into God more easily.

 What I learned about Alanna is that she is a well spring that needs to be taken care of and needs to be given time to reflect on her seasons and her life. I realized that I can starve my own heart by the words I say and the things that I think about. It was an amazing time of falling in love with the man Jesus. I wanted to know his personality and the big question for these three months was: "What do you think about me Jesus?" To hear his thoughts about me cleared away self-doubts, and even the desire to please others.

I'm blessed with the best communicator who ever lived. The Holy Spirit who tells me about Jesus, and is willing to tell me all kinds of things.

What did you learn about cross-cultural missions?

I found that roses and thorns come with cross-cultural missions. This photo was taken on Ptarmigan Hill outside of my village of Minto. it shows some of the flats that surround our small town. I grew up in a very cold place, Alaska. And after spending those three months overseas I began to feel so blessed by where I grew up. Before leaving to Kansas City I told the Lord how much I didn't like to travel. I don't like airports. I don't like hot climates.

 It's like food. I have a different taste pallette than most of the world's population. We up here in Alaska are a tiny percentage. So being in Thailand was challenging mainly due to the heat. It was so humid as well. I realized that cross-cultural missions for me is always going to come with a thorn from now on. But I decided early that this will never stop me from cross-cultural missions.

After settling into the city of Chiang Mai, I realized that I looked very Thai! I found out right away that the Thai are very social people. And if they think your Thai, it's not hard for THEM to start conversations. But once I looked at them and simply said, "No Thai." They would look so stunned that I wasn't! I had a lot of people unknowingly try to speak to me in Thai. As an evangelist, this is the greatest treasure. To have others speak to you is like having an open door! I don't know if this is only for Thailand, but I do think how I look will prove useful no matter where I go.

 I also realized that cross-cultural missions gets you directly in touch with who you really are. There's no way around it. There's a language barrier,  major cultural differences, and even food and climate differences can help all sorts of weaker things boil up. Cross-cultural missions are no joke, and Jesus himself calls us to them. It wasn't fun at times, it's hard when you don't know the language, and it taught me to totally depend on God every single day.

In Thailand,  everywhere I looked I began to realize more and more that all of creations points to God. I never sat under a waterfall before in my life. In Thailand I did. There are different conversations that I will never forget and people who will always be in my heart. I feel like my heart enlarged and my eyes became wide open. I left with a nation seriously knitted to my little heart.