All to His Glory!

"I ask no more, in good or ill, but union with Thy perfect will."- Madame Jeanne Guyon (1648-1717)

I'm sitting here reading an incredible story about the human heart. I would love to have a bigger capacity for loving God. Just being in his presence so much here has caused me to cry out, GOD LET ME LOVE YOU MORE! I don't know what that looks like! Let me love you more!

Guyon was a french woman who lived a full life in God. When she was only 15 she married a man 20 years older than her (I guess that was acceptable back then). Her mother-in-law was abusive to her as she grew in the Lord...she didn't really care, she saw her afflictions as God making her inwardly holy and full of life. After her husband died she grew more and more into the inner life. She increasingly believed that the Christian life consisted not of rules, regulations, and rituals, but of the life of Christ in the soul of a human being.

When she was 34 she began her ministry, traveling throughout France and Switzerland teaching wherever God would lead her. During this time she also wrote to many people, counseling them and leading them gently in the way of the inner life. As Guyon's teachings became more popular and widespread, church leaders began to charge her with heresy because some of her teachings were different than church doctrine.The Roman church taught that any relationship with God and Christ had to be through the rituals and sacraments of the church, but she taught that each person could directly communicate with God in her inner being, and that was best done by laying aside the rituals and religious activities of the church and living the contemplative life.

In the end, the church found her and put her in prison where she spent up to 14 years in prison and even survived the Bastille (which was primarily used to house political prisoners).

Her testimony is just amazing. It was said that she was persecuted by her church "because she loved Jesus too much."

What a way to live your life! She truly decreased more and more in a time when she could have increased. Because of her beauty she was married to a rich man. But that wasn't enough for her. She had a cry in her heart that could not be satisfied by this world. I want a faith like this. Willing to lay aside the "perfect" future for the sake of "loving Jesus too much", I feel like Jesus already put this in me, a beautiful desire to fully know him, he placed a map in my heart that points exactly to his heart. I'm excited to see what God will do in this season of my life. I'm excited to know there's women out there like Guyon, I hope I become more and more like her.

The Bridegroom left to prepare a place for US!

I am here in Kansas City, it has almost been one week and the weather has been very hot. And it's very humid as well. The Lord is good though, every building I have been in has air conditioning...so I am doing very well transitioning from Alaska. This time has been so lifechanging, these past few days have brought so much good news into my life and I've also came to learn more about Jesus' heart which is just amazing. At the beginning of the week I felt like just another girl who happened to show up here. But God has been speaking to me through all of these messages, this is no accident and His desires are for me to recieve more during this season. I have been asking God for his heart for the nations. I want to be filled with compassion even more for those in the unreached parts of the world. There is just so much to learn and so much to do. It's a bit overwhelming, but I feel God in my small moments of prayer and when I am speaking with him alone. He has had desires for my life that I am just learning about while I am here. He has a plans that go far beyond my small vision and plans. There is no doubt that this is where I am supposed to be at this time.


The first few days were a time of consecration. These days were so precious to me. I know that I can't rely on my feelings and sometimes I want to, but when I pray I feel so close to Jesus' heart, it's been so easy to speak with him. We have a very busy schedule and a whole lot to think about at the end of each day, I try to pray alone every day, just to get some time with Jesus during those times. And its been good. I just pray that all that I am learning will really drop into my spirit and set me aflame for the nations. I do have a desire to go to the nations, I just want my zeal to be stirred up because I know that Jesus is carrying a great zeal for the nations. The world is ready and I want to be too.


Leaving home for the first time has been pretty difficult. I haven't gotten homesick yet, but just not being in Alaska trips me out sometimes. I feel like I have gotten grace to get through this first week here in Kansas City, especially with the hot climate. My room mates are pretty awesome too. I have two roommates from Michigan and China. These two amazing women have really been given to me by God for this time. They are so encouraging and I am fascinated by their lifestyles and their desires to pursue God is evident in all that they do. It's been so encouraging. And a good boost.


All in all...we are preparing for something new. All 30 of us.


The Antioch Center for Training and Sending is going to change my life.


I can feel it.

Call him Dexter.

Sitting in the living room in the middle of this week. My mom just decided to name her puppy Dexter. He's a cute little thing, I think about 3 months old. I'm sitting here kind of going back in my mind what it is I must have accomplished these past two weeks. Without a job right now I have so much more time to pray and think. I remember when I was without a job in '09, I felt terrible not working but at the same time I always found something to do. Then it went the other way in 2010, I had a full time job that took up almost my whole day which left me struggling to pray or even think about the things that matter. The Bible says not to get weighed down by this world, to stay in the spirit as a child of God. I want to get to a place where I can balance out my time, have a special place to meet with Jesus (I do now, on my walks. I think I need an actual prayer closet or a prayer room though), or just have a set of brand new spiritual ears that constantly hear what the Spirit is saying. Because, that would be fun. And definately worth my time. And I would probably have so much more accomplished in life than just working, eating, studying, trying, and even worrying. God has something greater than those things. Like in Luke 10:

38 Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” 41 And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. 42 But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”


What a way to put it!


Life can be so troubling, and Jesus says it doesn't have to be. I want to choose that good part every day. Mary makes it look simple. And it must be. Just sit with Jesus. Listen and hear His words. But I think it would be cool to actually see him and see him express himself now that would be cool. To go back in time. I have thought about that a lot...anyway. I'm getting off track.

So my priority is to choose the good part every day. With or without a job. And to stop worrying and troubling myself.